Sunday, February 18, 2007

a prayer..

I wrote this in response to how crappy I felt. It has a nice ring of submission in it.

In your love, destroy me

I hate this.
This, this sin.
This, my own self.
For what this sin has made me,
for what I always have been.
This sin that is part of me,
that is me.

You say you hate this,
this sin.
You hate the taint,
that mars this beauty (as you call me...)

In your love, destroy me.
In your love, shatter me,
may there be nothing of myself left,
that everything that has been, or could ever be,
is completely obliterated.

And also, Lord,
in your love, make me.
This is what we both want.
This is what we've both been aiming for.
I don't know why we keep missing.

Whatever the cost; my life,
or everything except that.
Lord, in your love, break me.
To my knees,
that I may never stand (on my own) again.


Monday, February 5, 2007

an overwhelming tranquillity

An overwhelming tranquillity

I share a gaze with the moon,
its radiance almost dull in contrast to the sun.
I close my eyes and feel the sun sink behind me,
its distant tails of flame alighting my bare arms,
a memory of the scorching day.

The fiery residues trace along the clouds,
following the curves of the roiling cumulus.
Throughout the fading sky, through the cloudy gaps,
twinkle shifting stars in myriad orange, blue, white,
a testament to much more than another tomorrow.

A warm breeze gently flows,
like a salve along my reddened skin.
The sound of waves crashing soothes my ears,
a mist off the ocean makes for a sweet breath,
an overwhelming tranquillity.

I embrace this moment,
this fleeting instant,
a wishful eternity.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

an abstract concept

(this is an older prose of mine. dramatic monologue? something like that)

An Abstract Concept

Oh, oh no... are you hurt?
Wow, look... look at that... I can see your... your heart.
and look! Look at that! This red stuff, it's beautiful!
Look at it, the richness of it.
What is it? It's coming out of your heart, there are three lines, jagged lines.
The red is coming out of it, those lines, it's coming out of the lines.
What's that? My knees... uh-oh, theres red on my knees!
Look! it's all over the floor It's everywhere...
Unless... wait, it's coming out from you...
Do you... do you, need it?
Should it be still inside you? Look it's coming out! Fast!
I don't think I can put it all back in, maybe you will make more.
Do you really need it? If it's gone, will you... will you... die?
I can't stop it from coming out.
It's probably almost gone. I don't think that is good.
It should be inside you.
Maybe... those lines! Somebody should fix those lines!
How long have they been like that?
A long time?
Didn't anybody notice?
Why didn't anybody fix it?
The red... it's still coming out.
Nobody ever fixed it?
What? Nobody ever wanted to?
Why would nobody fix it? If the red is gone, you might... die.
Somebody should fix it.
I can try, but I can't put the red back. (Why did nobody fix it?)
I hope it's not too late. (Did nobody notice?)
I don't want you to die... (Did they want you to die?)
Ok, I'm going to try to fix those lines.
Oh look! The red! It's on my hands now!
This is exciting!
Oh... right, I have to fix you.
What? It's too late?
No. Shh.
I'll fix it.
Trust me.
If your heart stopped moving like that it would be easier.
It's beating all over the place.
This is hard!
Oh, never mind, it's slowing down.
What will I fix the lines with?
Oh, I can fix it now, your heart stopped beating. I can fix it now.

There you go!
I fixed it!
The lines are gone. See? It's better!
Now you can make more red. You won't die now!
Come on! Wake up!
I fixed it! You are ok now!
Are you?
Was I too late?
Oh no...
Now there's red all over me.
And you, it's all over you too.
Get up! Look! It's cool!
Your heart... it still isn't beating. Should it be?
It was before, before I fixed you, it should start again right?
It shouldn't be stopped?
But... it's still stopped.
I was, I was too... late, wasn't I?
No, I'm sorry!